A lot has happened in the past few months. You have matured, cribbed, sulked, laughed and cried over what has happened. You have felt happy, ecstatic, moved, and loved. You have been through goods and bads; happiness and sorrow; highs and lows. (and they say this is just the beginning) Not that, they never hit me in the past 23 years. But, this time you were not alone. You know how nice it feels to have one whole person, entirely to yourself ;)
You can just speak the world to him, eat his head, tell him the last tiny winy detail of the day, bitch about your best friend, or even parents. (By now, everyone knows how important talking is for you) And he would not say “shut up”. Till the time you haven’t vomited out the last spurt of negativity out of the system.(himmat hai Strength)
Because, he knows that this is just the usual done to death soul cleaning (fancy name for bitching/gossip) And once it is “Deleted” out of system it won’t pop up like the irritating burps after raw radish. God you hate them.
The one person can be the best friend, the enemy, a punch bag and even the insane kid you want to do the stupidest of things with.
You have in the last month, realised how awful You are. You already knew that You are really “awesome” but, being awful sucks. I know. You pretty much hated it when the realization dawned at certain inappropriate moments (you know public emo-outbursts. They hurt real bad).
But, initially the change kills you. The change makes you feel so pointless. It makes you feel like Sisyphus dragging the same old rock every day. Till one day you actually think hell! Why drag it anyway? Let’s sit down and take a drag. (bad one)
This post is nothing but an attempt to get back to the blogging world. To let them know the posts that went missing were because-- You got married, then travelled, then shifted base (they know that already), then responsibilities, then feeling responsible for those responsibilities,then trying to act all married, then growing old, having new people to call your own, new found parents, a whole new family… phew.
Feeling pukish over made being responsible and then realising hell you are so not responsible.
But, then it has its own positives and negatives and neutrals. (yeah right!, this post has more scary looking negatives than positives) The melodrama about love, life and relationships hits you hard. You realise the things you read and saw were really true. The one person in life actually makes you feel so complete that the meagre details of the everyday life do seem really worthwhile. Or at times they don’t and you don’t have an option.
You wait for the one meeting at the end of the day. The wait seems endless and boring and monotonous but, really worth it because, that is how it is. HE is the one you will spend the rest of the life with. Really, rest of the life seems so long.
Let’s say we will try spending the next year or so (to begin with). And then another .. and then a few more.. Going gets easier like that.
I do not actually come up with pretty personal notes often. I know it is not a proper post you expect. But, wait I promise I shall be regular from now on. Promise pakka promise.. treat this as a long due note to myself. The public me, the personal me and the wannabe- writer me.
So, that after an year or so, when I find myself really responsible for it and I am real mad at the one man I have married. This note might help me get back to him and help him get back at me ;). He better read this because he has a lot of expectations to meet. After all it is difficult to handle a sould caught between the Yous and the Mes ..:)
With lots of love and never ending grudges
the wannabe me, the married me, the me me, the me that always talks about me.