You know how it feels when things just don't go your way. The world conspires against you to make sure good- things never sway your way.
Past few days have been exactly like that. I have been in an horrendous mood. Which is like rarest of the rare case with me. But, the sad bit is that it has stretched too long. I cannot believe i snapped at people for reasons i did not even know existed in my head.
I have hurt people that mean a world to me. Acted like a real bitch. Like i know I am not saying the right words, I am fully aware and still i go ahead and say anything that comes to my mind. At the same time i even try to justify my lost case.
Words, when spoken can never be taken back. Once they pierce through a person's heart there is no way to mend it. I do not know how to prove that intentions behind the act were . I do not even know what they were. I cannot say i did not intend to do that. Because at the end I am the one who did it. I said those words in complete sanity. I blamed the best person in my life of not loving me.
Insecurity triggered off by I don't know what. Family has been my driving force my entire life. When things go wrong with them, I seriously am without anchor. For a person who gives me her all.. who loves me more than anybody else on this earth.. ..
why did i even say those words.. Like she is not god that I will expect her to be all OK with it and move on. Though, that is precisely that she has done. But, I know in the nook and corner of her heart she feels really hurt.
I cannot do anything. But whenever i face her in the morning, I feel a lump of guilt and regret stuck in my throat. I feel like crying.. I have done that and that hurts her even more.
I don't know, I have just ruined it ..
Trying to fight a lost cause...
Flashing Neon lights
ChaosWires all around
I have no clue why I am making a personal matter so publicly vulnerable. But at the end I think accumulated thoughts might hurt even more... Whatever I talk like a middle aged Old hag who has lost faith in life.
Picture- internet, myspace.